Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
