I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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