guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
