listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
