I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
