let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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