My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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