At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
