I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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