new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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