he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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