I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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