There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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