omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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