Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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