Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
