the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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