Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
