we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
