Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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