Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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