Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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