i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
