You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
