If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
