My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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