I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
