So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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