I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
