I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so much tequila, so little girl.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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