I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
