Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
