i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
