Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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