Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had sex on a roof
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
