I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
