True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
