He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize