Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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