My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
