My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
are you so shy because you have an std?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
