I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
