I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
True college students do jello shots in the library
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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