If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
