I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
