I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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