Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
