Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
