I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
