you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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