My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
