So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize