you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
