He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
