Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
