can u get pink eye on your cock?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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