Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
