i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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