Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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