my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.