Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life