Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.