you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill