i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
