I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
