I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know, be my cock's hype man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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