he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
